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Grand Final Party Report
Posted By: RW "KC Swan" Lipp
Date: Saturday, 2 September 2000, at 10:08 p.m. US Eastern Time
Kansas City -- Hosted by the Kansas City Power Australian Rules Football Club, with organizational assistance by AFANA's own KC Swan.
As game day approached, the Kansas City Grand Final party was in flux. Bars in Missouri have a later closing time than bars in Kansas. But The Other Place, which appeared to be the only bar with the game, was in Kansas.
With only a couple days left, the realization that Fox Sports World shows English Premier League soccer prompted a call to the Major League Soccer Kansas City Wizards. They recommended O'Dowds on the Plaza. However, it was decided not to try and move the party at this late moment -- partially because I was operating under incorrect information about The Other Place closing time.
Once we had confirmed the closing time at The Other Place, all appeared set. Most years The Other Place would have closed an hour too early. However, Olympic Daylight Savings Time moved the start of coverage up to 10:00, and gave us the hour we needed.
I had a family gathering at my home early Friday evening. I was on the verge of being rude, letting my wife entertain folks, and leaving to go to The Other Place. However, the last guest finally left, and right at 10:00 I headed out. As luck would have it, The Other Place is about the most convenient possible place for me -- lucky for everybody, that is.
Upon arriving at The Other Place, I saw nothing that looked like Grand Final pre-match festivites on any of the TV screens. I asked the hostess, and was pointed towards a small knot of folks, including a chap in a "Team Australia" shirt and a Bombers cap.
I wandered over and asked if they were here for the footy. They responded that there appeared to be troubles with the satellite. Another group was standing around a table, flipping through a phone book, using their cell phones to call bars around town. Springing into action, I recommended that the next call be to O'Dowds Little Dublin on the Plaza.
While the call was going through to O'Dowds, the manager of The Other Place returned from his office. The "satellite trouble" turned out to be that they had failed to renew their subscription to Fox Sports World, and it being after 10:00pm on a Friday night he couldn't renew over the phone.
Lest anybody get the wrong impression, I want to make something clear to the reader. The manager of The Other Place indicated that he was willing to pay $500 on the spot to get the coverage for us. Several other bars in town could have done the same thing, but none of the others did. The bar that hosted us from '96-'98 specifically declined to pay $500. If Fox had been able to take his money, he was ready to spend it.
So, with confirmation from O'Dowds that they had the game, we were off. Driving instructions were quickly shared, and off we went. It was already after 10:00, we needed to get there quickly. I don't know that Kansas City's finest, nor the finest of any of other cities we would have travelled through (depending on route, Overland Park, Mission, Fairway, Westwood, Prarie Village, and Kansas City Kansas are all reasonable possibilites), were going to stop any of us and pass out speeding tickets. However, I think it is reasonable to say that we all pushed the limit about as far as it would bend without breaking. Arrival at O'Dowds was complicated by the discovery that the parking garage immediately across the street was closed for construction work: GREAT, time is precious and we are going to have to spend more finding a parking spot and walking (no, RUNNING) back.
Cars parked and somewhat out of breath from the dash back, we arrived at the front door of O'Dowds only to discover that there was a $2 cover charge. Now, $2 may seem like a fairly reasonable cover charge given that this was a popular bar, owned by a popular member of the Kansas City Chiefs on the weekend of the home season opener, located in a popular part of town. However, anybody who heard what passed for a band at O'Dowds that night would realize that they should have paid us $2 for having to hear them.
At last! We are in the bar that has the game. We've paid our cover charge. Most of us are here. BUT WHERE IS THE TV? Quickly people fanned out in search of a screen, while others tracked down a waitress or a hostess or somebody who might know something. A moment later, not one but two TVs have been identified: they are inside those little cabinets. Opening the door with a sense of fear and loathing revealed, in all its electronic splendor, a television set with a massive screen that must have reached nearly EIGHTEEN inches diagonal measure (about 45cm for the metrically inclined).
There was not a lot of room around either set. I'm guessing that we had about 30 people, but conditions were not conducive to an accurate head count. The sets were on opposite sides of the entrance, creating two viewing groups of about 15 each. My group tended towards critical analysis of the play ("great catch!" ("it's a MARK, you American!") "what the heck did he do that for?" "oooooooh, that had to hurt"). The other group tended to be more vocal, with loud cheers going up when the Bombers scored (there might have been cheers when the Demons scored, too, but that happened so infrequently that I just don't recall). I would have liked to have wandered over and checked out the vocal crowd, but it would have meant crawling over too many bodies to be easily done.
The other problem encountered was a lack of sound. It is not that the sound could not be heard over the noisemaking group that called itself a band. And it was not that the sound could not be heard over the noisemaking group in front of the other set. There just wasn't any sound. This added a certain surreal quality to the various "talking head" shots, as we attempted to guess what they were saying. On screen text informing us who our "expert commentators" were also lacked any real informative quality. The presentation of the medals to the winners failed to hold the attention of anybody present. And it might have been interesting to hear that one English Premier League Soccer commercial, with subtitles and a tag line about not understanding what they were talking about but understanding their game, but that was the ONLY commercial I felt that way about.
To add to the fun, the Kansas City Power brought a number of items for door prizes. There were at least two t-shirts and hats, there was an official Port Power sports bottle, and the prize most had their eye on: an offical match Sherrin embossed "P. Ad." for Port Adelaide. Raffle chances were sold for $1 each, and in spite of grumbling to the contrary I can vouch for the honesty of the drawing process. I am confident that the drawing was fairly executed, as your intrepid reporter is not a member of the club but is now the proud owner of an official match Sherrin embossed "P. Ad." for Port Adelaide.
At halftime there were also signups for a contest to pick the final margin. Chances were $2 each, with the winner to take home half the cash collected and a six pack of Foster's stubbies. This contest was operated under arcane rules that confused a lot of people, and might best be described as "The Price Is Right" rules, only sideways. More than one person discovered afterwards that their guess did not mean what they thought it did, though the eventual winner was apparently comfortable with the rules. I can say that the contest was run in such a way that it would have been possible for nobody to win and the club be allowed to keep all the cash, but as the guesses came in it would have required Essendon to win by over 100 points (had 9 of those 21 behinds been major scores instead, it would have happened). As the contest was begun at halftime, it is not at all surprising to report that no contestant picked Melbourne to win.
In the final analysis, we had a pretty good time. In spite of the sudden change of venue. In spite of hearing a bad band instead of commentary. In spite of cramped conditions. In spite of a small screen. In the final analysis, in spite of all those things, we had a pretty good time. Why? BECAUSE WE WERE WATCHING FOOTY!!!!!!
...and a result of our efforts to find a bar is some leads on how we can make sure NEXT year goes more smoothly...
-- RW "KC Swan" Lipp
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